The Exit Wound

Going Astral

This is part of a Blogathon entitled #LettersToMyEx on Women’s Web

A Prizewinning entry I’m proud to share .


This will just be another unopened or unread mail in your inbox, I know. Anyways here goes.

It’s been almost a year since you dumped me out of the blue. And it will be almost 10 years since you first confessed your love for me and to be allowed to just love me. I was free from having to say the same. As I pen these words to you, a thousand words rush through my mind…words we had exchanged when we could not get through a day without each other.

So where do I start? The first day we saw each other? The day we realised that we were soulmates? The day we realised we would always have each other to talk things about? The day we assured each other no matter what we would always be friends? Or the day we realised we were ‘each other’s person’ as they say in Grey’s Anatomy?

Oh, we had a charmed beginning – the intense wonderment at the magic, too scared to believe that love could be like this. The passion – surprising at first and intoxicating thereafter, turning into an addiction neither could do without. Every secret, every fear, every dream, every nightmare was shared. You were the first person I thought of as I woke up and you were the last person I thought of before I fell asleep. Nothing was taboo – we could say things to each other that we both swore we had never told anyone else. And now, possibly never will.

We shared more with each other than with anyone else. You were my person. I was your person.

Fiercely loyal, I believed everything you said and believed in you and love. You soon became the most important person in my life. As you said, I was in yours. In fact, you called me Sunshine. The person who had brought you back from the dark and gloomy place you had driven yourself into. The person who had brushed away cobwebs and allowed light to enter your life again. I basked in being your sunshine.

I will never forget the day you finally decided to call it quits. We had had one of our tiffs over not having enough time for each other and you asked for a break to think things out – you always believed that distance made us realise what we meant to each other. We had been through several such storms and our love always won, as we found our way towards each other. Each time. Every time.

But not this time.

From confessing your love for me, you were now wary of having to say I love you. And even worse, hear the magic words as you once called them! We had come full circle.

You found someone. Perhaps she was always your destination. All the lessons of love that I taught YOU, you used to win her over. “You showed me the power of love”, you used to say. Well, I would have been happy to see that power used on me. But that was not to be.

Instead, it was “I can no longer love you” – words that broke not just my heart, but my soul, my being.

“Did I ask you to love me exclusively?” “Who asked you to make me the most important part of your life?” “Why do you expect so much from me? I have other interests, other priorities and responsibilities in life, not just you.” As I listened to these questions and statements in sheer bewilderment, I realised you were truthful in always telling me you were selfish and would always look after your own interests first. Always and every time.

I still think of us, I still think of you. Do you? I guess not. I still see you around at parties, get-togethers and the like. I see pictures and videos where you look and sound happy. Good for you. I was just a blip in your life. But in mine, you entered uninvited, turned it upside down and then once you had your fill, you just dumped me. Leaving my mind heart and soul shattered.

There are days when I hate the fact that we even met. I wouldn’t be human if that did not happen. But deep down inside, I know that I still love you. I know that there can never be another you in my life. I know that there is no one with whom I connect the way I did with you. I can never love as unconditionally as I loved you.

At times I wonder if I can ever love, again. There’s a dark spot in my soul where you used to be. That defines who I am today. Unable to trust, unable to believe in the magic of love forever. Unable to smile with my eyes. Unable to let go.

Some things are never meant to be. One may wish, one may hope, but life can be cruel.

I had meant the world to you. You often reiterated, “I love you and respect you and adore you but even more than that I worship you for the way you brought color and happiness back into my life.” Words I cling to even today. As I helped you find yourself, you had said even God would not forgive you if you hurt me. Today you have not only hurt me but broken my faith in love and all that is good in life.

You destroyed my life as I knew it, twice over. The Entry wound and the Exit wound, I call them.

I survived. I’m trying to heal.

I live. I breathe. I exist.

I smile. I cry. I exist.

I eat. I sleep. I exist.

I used to be alive.

Now I exist.

I hope your God has forgiven you. It appears he has as I watch you smile and laugh and climb the ladder of success.

I never will.

You can view our entire #LettersToMyEx series here.

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Focus Retriever

Why, Why, Why?


Why do we

Tend to judge 

Every person

Every emotion? 


Why do we 

Tend to forget 

Every good turn

Every kind deed?


Why do we 

Tend to conform

To every idea of 

Who we should be?


Why do we 

Tend to aspire to

Every rule laid down

Even a smile and frown


Why do we

Tend to mind

Every business there is

Except our own? 


Why do we 

Tend to blame

Everyone around us

But never ourselves? 


Why do we 

Tend to always get

Caught up in the rat race

But never give in with Grace? 


Why do we

Tend to seek out

Someone to love us

Not someone to love?

Why WHY Why…??? 



In response to the Daily Prompt



Bewildered by your actions

Bewildered by my reactions 

Blinded first, by love

Blinded then, by pain  

Bewildered by your words

Bewildered even more, by mine

Staggered by the depths 

Staggered by the heights

Bewildered by life’s name 

Bewildered by your game

Tortured by my endless thoughts

Tortured by your thoughtlessness

Bewildered I am, by destiny’s dance

Bewildered by the lack of a chance! 

In response to Word Prompt


A Course called Life

Enroll for laughter and get a dollop of pain for free

Enroll for happiness and get tears under a tree

There’s no sunshine without a bit of rain

There’s no pleasure without a whiff of pain!   

Enroll for life and get a rollercoaster of a ride

No gain without pain, it’s been tested and tried! 

Yet we enroll for Life, each day,  every day

Taking the roses n the thorns along the way! 



In response to Daily Prompt : 


A Creature of habit


A creature of habit, he said he was

Little did she know who he really was

Full of love and laughter this moment,

Full of angst and resentment the next…

He had time for everything n everyone

Loyal to  love, only she was not the One!

Too little, too late, grudged n given 

Her life turned arid dry and barren! 

It was time for him to shake her off 

No time, no reason, no place thought of..

Just a couple of lines hastily written,

Years n years of love were forgotten …

A creature of habit, he had said he was

Now she finally knew who he really was!! 

In response to the Daily Prompt:


Magic touch

No time to sympathize

No time to empathize..

We need to emphasize

The need today to realize…


There’s no balm like an empathetic heart

Nothing better to make the tears depart

A ton of gadgets may come, they may even hold sway,

Only a friendly hug, a gentle smile blows the blues away!

The magic of a loving touch, a look, a kiss,

Are so welcome, they’re something to miss!!


Puzzling Grace

Puzzling is life n living 

Puzzling is love n loving 

Puzzled is an emotion, often felt

Puzzled by the cards life has dealt! 

Puzzles are usually fun for me to solve 

But some are way beyond my resolve…

Puzzled by the jigsaw pieces of life

Each day brings new one to add strife

Yet, some pieces just fall into place 

Puzzled – Yes, I am by lifes saving grace!